Ryan Seacrest and Kathy Griffin
Ryan interviewed Kathy on his radio show today. They both agreed it was a momentous occasion, right before Kathy welcomed Ryan to his first week and wished him luck on the show. Ryan wanted to know if that meant she’d never listened, to which Kathy said she’d listened to as many of Ryan’s shows as he’d watched her life on the D List. Or ‘da list’ as Ryan called it earlier in the show. Ryan said he loved her show, but couldn’t name an episode when Kathy called him out on that, but did recall watching her making fun of him for 7 minutes. Kathy said that was a special, taking the link in to pimp her new special Kathy Griffin does the bible belt, in which there’s what she called an homage to Ryan. Ryan pointed out his importance in her career, “technically you’re saying that I deserve a little bit of credit for your success,” but Kathy clarified, “No. I’m saying you’re out to get me.”
Kathy believes that Ryan, along with Oprah, is conspiring to kill her. Ryan wanted to know why, so Kathy listed a few bits of evidence. One time an air conditioning repair man turned up at her house. She’s sure Ryan sent him because he was brandishing a head shot of Ryan, saying “I’ve just been at this man’s house, do you know him?” Kathy said Ryan carries headshots around with him, which Ryan confirmed, adding that he gives them out whenever people come around to his house, at the airport, wherever, and tells them to deliver that line. With Ryan in such an agreeable mood, Kathy pushed him to admit to sending the man to get her, then fell into Ryan’s trap when he disagreed:
Kathy: What about when you call Oprah and you have those late night conversations with Jamie Oliver?
Ryan: You do follow me! Thank you!
StalkerKathy: I know everything about you.
Moving swiftly on … the next story was hilarious! Kathy was doing a photoshoot in high heels and a tutu and was just stepping into a portapotty outside her home when Ryan pulled up in his car, and rolled down the window to talk to her, but in a way that meant nobody but her saw it was him. She said it was like a backwards weird James Bond villain moment, and after he’d gone she was pointing, like Children of the Corn, and noone believed her. That he’s trying to kill her! Kathy went back to Ryan’s mysterious conversations with Oprah, and told a story about going onto the Ellen DeGeneres Show and being warned off making fun of Ryan because Ellen loves him. Ryan loved that! Kathy said she’d never been told what not to say anywhere else.
The next topic of conversation was Kathy’s book. Lots of celebrities have an entry in the index, mostly with a page number. Ryan asked if it was under Seacrest, Kathy replied, “no, it’s under dbag!” before confirming it’s under Seacrest. Ryan read out his index entry: Not mentioned once in book, suck it.
Shrek has just had its third week as top at the box office. Kathy commented that Ryan had really carried the movie, asking him how many lines he had. Ryan told her it was 7 though they only used 3 and played a quick sound bite of his lovely son Butter Pants. Kathy, also in the movie, talked about being at a photoshoot with Ryan and said that when Cameron Diaz walked in Ryan greeted her, without irony, “what’s up Holmes?”
Kathy went on to explain why she guns for Ryan so much: number one, you’re ridiculous and number two you’re so well known, you’re so much a part of the lexicon … pausing briefly to explain to Ryan what lexicon means … Ryan asked for Zeitgeist while they were at it. He’d apparently pretended not to know what the word ‘ubiquitous’ meant one time before. Ellen said Ryan uses it a lot, so Kathy asked for a definition. Ryan: thank you very much, Webster.
Ryan thought he might be old material by now, but Kathy called him the gift that keeps on giving. Ryan asked if it had ever occurred to her that he’d say things in front of her intentionally. Not so much. The conversation turned to game night with the Kutchers, which Ryan said he doesn’t do, but he said he went to brunch. Kathy found the idea of brunch with Ryan and Ashton was insufferable, but said it might be fun to be the gay waiter listening in on the conversation.
On the subject of Ryan’s love life, Kathy was subtle and reserved: who are you dating? You’re not really banging Julianne Hough … that’s not even possible. Ellen said she’s way out of his league. Ryan agreed it was impossible and she’s out of his league, adding why would she even return a call. Oh poor Ryan. Still, he shouldn’t give up hope … he just needs to remember the story he told recently on his show about the guy and the girl who’s well out of his league…
Kathy also wanted to know if Ryan’s still hooking up with Ben Silverman, but Ryan’s over him now he’s left the network. The topic returned back to Julianne several times after Kathy dodged Ryan’s penetrating questions about her personal life by asking about his, though she did talk briefly about her marriage, which ended badly, saying the joke’s on her because she had a tattoo for a wedding ring.
Ryan liked the idea of going to see Kathy live, after she mentioned he could go and see her version of her visit to his studio, but Kathy said he’d have to be in disguise because people would feel uncomfortable and he’d get sympathy from the crowd, which would make her uncomfortable. Ryan said he’d go, but it might take him two years to schedule it in with his workload!
