American Idol Season 9 Denver

Ryan said on his radio show that he didn’t realise how many references he’d made to Denver being the mile high city until he watched the show back, and said viewers could play a drinking game as they watched.

Okay…

“We’ve reached new heights in the mile high city”

“Prepare yourself as the altitude brings out the tension”

There was a great shot of Ryan in the crowd to open the show — how many shots is that now? — And we found out that Victoria Beckham is on the judging panel.

“The altitude left the judges a little confused”

I’m starting to feel a little that way myself. Bottoms up!

While Kara and Victoria took their seats, Randy and Simon discussed Victoria. Randy said he likes her so Simon said Randy fancies her. Randy didn’t deny it and pointed out the obvious similarities between him and David Beckham. It’s true. The first time I saw American Idol I thought, wow! David Beckham’s caught a little sun! Then someone said that David was Randy, which I thought was a little awkward…

Mark Labriola

Ryan said the first contestant also had problems with mistaken identity because people think he looks like Jack Black. Mark is interesting because he likes cheese and has a family history that confused the hell out of Simon. Victoria was surprised by his voice, saying she had thought he was going to be a joke act. All four judges said yes, and Mark left with a golden ticket and Simon was left wondering where Mark’s mom was.

Ryan gave the next contestant a long intro. He said they all hope to make it through the audition but it’s a big deal with lights, cameras, Simon … so it’s normal for people to get anxious, and anxious contestants deal with their nerves in different ways, including a queasy little laugh.

Mario Galvan

Simon picked up on the nervous laugh straight away and started aping poor Mario, which just made it funnier and made everyone else giggle. Isn’t that laugh just the real world version of writing LOL after everything you say online? Mario’s audition wasn’t great so it was a no and he left … meanwhile back in the judging room, Simon was still giggling!

Where are the mile high references? I need a drink after that…

Ryan said the air is always clean in Denver (that is because of the altitude, eh… cheers!) … until Idol shows up, which led nicely into a montage of people turning the air blue. Does everyone else play the “what did they say” game? I’m far more aware of cursing when it’s bleeped out … I don’t even notice it otherwise.

Kimberly Kerbow

It was hard to tell whether Kimberly was auditioning for American Idol or to be Simon’s next girlfriend as she sang sweetly to him … about buying him Rogaine. There’s nothing like suggesting to a vain 50 year old that his hair is thinning to win him over! All judges said yes, and Simon decided she is trouble which he clearly thinks is a Very Good Thing. As Kimberly left with her golden ticket, the judges discussed whether or not she was wearing a wig.

Ryan said the judges were giving out a lot of golden tickets — and it certainly looked as though almost everyone got through to Hollywood!

Danielle Hayes

Danielle hosts karaoke and sings in a covers band, but is hoping for more. Simon thought she was almost broken and said she’d come in just in time to rescue her from corporate hell. The judges all said yes, and we saw a smiling Ryan waiting outside the room as she came out with her ticket.

On the voiceover, Ryan said that with Posh on the panel it’s important to come dressed to impress … followed by a montage of people dressed in all kinds of weird and wonderful outfits.

Casey James

His face is prettier than his voice and Simon stopped him saying it was a bad audition because he has no charisma. Kara disagreed and Victoria asked him to let his hair down, literally. Kara got him to take his short off, then said yes. Imagine if Simon and Randy asked a female contestant to take her shirt off! Simon mumbled it was getting like project runway (which sounded like an admission he watches the show). Simon said no, the girls said yes, and Randy said yes to please the girls, putting Casey through to the next round with advice to get a personality.

Tori Kelly

Ryan asked Tori if he was interrupting a kindergarten class and it looked like the place was teeming with ankle biters. One midget told Ryan she was going to be on the show when she’s sixteen and Ryan said he is going to be really old when she’s sixteen. She agreed. Then the show stopped while we watched a kid give drawings to the judges. Kara liked it but Simon preferred the kid who’d given him the drawing, calling Tori’s voice annoying. Victoria loved the way she looked, arguing with Simon that appearance is important … Simon grumbled something about a human orange. Kara, Victoria and Randy put Tori through but Simon thought they were mad.

Ryan said Tori and fourteen other contestants were through, while Simon helped the kid write “to my favourite judge” on the drawing. Why can’t the contestants bring in puppies instead of kids? It would still show how fluffy Simon is and be much cuter.

“As the talent reaches new peaks”

Austin Paul

Austin loves himself, which is lucky because the judges didn’t. Kara thought he was cocky, Simon thought he could be very annoying, Victoria found him arrogant and Randy said no. Austin told Ryan he was shocked, but believes he could still be a star.

“Just when we thought the confidence couldn’t get any higher in the mile high city”

Kenny Everett

Kenny howled his way through his audition. Simon said it sounded like he was screaming after being punched. All four judges said no, but Kenny wasn’t having it. He told the judges he’s a great singer, and started singing again. Simon told him it was getting worse. As he left Ryan wondered what Kenny had learned form this experience … after listening to Kenny’s post-audition comments he had his answer: nothing!

“The air is thin and so is the talent on day two”

There was a montage of really awful singers. The last one was totally incoherent so Simon joked that it was like having Paula back on the show.

Nicky Nix

The judges were impressed that Nicci had travelled from Florence to audition. As she spoke in a squeaky voice, Simon wanted to know if she’d had any helium. Simon thought her song choice, Something Kinda Ooh, had meaningful lyrics … The judges liked her and put her through.

“Nicci’s off to Hollywood on a high”

Haeley Vaughn

She doesn’t have a bad voice but what an awful song! Simon called her a cute little thing and pointed out her lisp. He thought she stood out. Victoria called her bubbly and Kara said there aren’t many black country singers, so that gave her an edge, but advised her to start lower in her register. Haeley’s sister and mom went into the room for the verdict and Ryan was watching a monitor.

“Leaving the mile high city with a sky high total of 26”

Ty Hemmerling

But it wasn’t quite over, unfortunately. Ryan said the last contestant was the ultimate in notoriety who was going one better than bikini girl … cue bikini boy and a lot of swearing from the judges. As soon as Ty started singing, Simon walked off set. Kara told Ty not to move his hips that way as the rest of the judges followed Simon. Ty looked dejected as he pleaded with Kara to stay, or give him a hug, while Ryan grinned at a bemused Kara.