American Idol Season 9 Top 16

Ryan found an empty seat at the judging table to welcome viewers to the show. No, Simon wasn’t still outside after sneaking a last-minute cigarette; he was seated in his usual spot … and so was Ellen as she made herself comfortable in Simon’s lap and smooched his cheek, acting oblivious to the cameras. Having a woman in his lap seems to be a new trend for Simon.

Ryan: Say hi to Randy … this is Kara … and this is something we should know about!

Simon: This is quite uncomfortable.

Ellen: My god! I didn’t know we’d started, I’m so sorry!

Ryan said, “everything is riding on these performances tonight,” as the camera cut to a shot of the guys sitting at the side of the stage. Alex Lambert was up late rehearsing if his yawn was any indication, and Lee Dewyze looked as though he had just remembered he’d been told to pull his pants up before getting on stage this week. Ryan let Simon ramble about this being a bad week to go, then pointed out that he’d already said the same thing, “…so the stakes are high?” “Highest they’ve ever been.” “I think I said it simply.” “But I said it with believability!” “Exactly.” Simon looked as though he’d lost sight of who was ahead in their exchange as Ryan introduced Katie Stevens, gave him a pat on the shoulders, told him, “good job!” as if he was praising a three year old, and disappeared off set.

Katie Stevens sang Kelly Clarkson’s Break Away. The judges weren’t blown away. Kara, snuggling up to Simon, said Katie doesn’t really know who she is as an artist. Simon agreed, telling Katie she “kind of sucked”. Just as I was thinking that was blunt even for Simon, he added, “the energy out of it a little bit,” almost as an afterthought. Simon didn’t quite seem himself. Simon felt Katie had tried to take their advice, but he would have suggested a different song. She needs a mentor, Simon — maybe she could try out for The X Factor if Idol doesn’t work out. Ryan asked Katie what she was trying to get done with the song, and Katie explained herself quite well, giving reasons for her song choice that related back to specific advice from the judges and how she felt in the competition.

Siobhan Magnus told Ryan she was singing House Of The Rising Sun by The Animals as a surprise for her dad who was the one who first taught her about singing. Ryan asked her who was the better singer. Siobhan said she thinks her dad is the best singer she’s heard and he thinks she’s the best he’s heard. Ryan sent her off to get ready, saying “we’ll be the judge … I don’t think we have time for him to sing tonight though, do we!” Randy loved it. Ellen is from New Orleans and knows that house! Kara loved Siobhan’s a cappella at the start and Simon thought it was all a bit weird. Ryan asked Simon if there was any credit for showing range, saying it was brave to stand up there and sing a cappella. Simon, exhaling, replied, “yes, I’m aware of that. But what she didn’t have was what I said, if you were listening, was that ‘moment’ from last week.” Ryan pointed out it was one against three as Simon told Ryan to “just pay a little more attention and you’ll get it,” which seemed like payback for Ryan’s previous “pay attention to your monitor, pretty boy” comment.

Lacey Brown sang The Story by Brandi Carlile. The judges thought she was much improved. Randy thought it was a little sleepy but her best performance for a while and Ellen agreed, commenting on her distinctive voice. Kara called the singing effortless, and while Simon didn’t love love the song, he thought Lacey sang it really really well.

Randy was still making his way back to his seat after the break as Ryan introduced Katelyn Epperly who sang Carole King’s I Feel The Earth Move. Randy didn’t feel any connection. Ellen pointed to her keyboard and joked, “is that a guitar?” before saying it wasn’t enough. Kara didn’t feel Katelyn was competing, and Simon, looking as though he was trying to sit on Kara’s lap, liked Katelyn’s hair but thought other people looked as though they were trying harder. Ryan picked up on a comment Katelyn had made to Kara about trying to be less corny, allowing her to explain that she was just trying to perform without concentrating on the cameras.

Ryan pointed out the guys who would perform the next day. As the camera cut to the guys, Big Mike made rabbit shadow puppets with his hands, blocking out Tim Urban’s face, while Andrew Garcia made his hand grow out of Tim’s head. Stop picking on Tim, fellas! Casey gave a cheesy thumbs up behind Mike’s head, missing the opportunity to accidentally give him horns under the guise of a peace sign. Alex Lambert pointed at Aaron, who wasn’t playing.

Didi Benami sang Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac. Randy thought it was a whole lot better than last week. Ellen said yes indeedy Didi, and liked what she did with it. Kara said it was one of her favourite moments of the show this season and Simon agreed, saying it was head and shoulders above everything else they’d heard that night. Ryan laughed as he pointed out that last week she was almost in tears and this week she had a huge grin. Didi tried to escape the stage and Ryan had to pull her back, telling her, “just hang with me, sweetheart!”

Ryan introduced Paige Miles singing Nat King Cole’s Smile, then took Didi’s arm, telling her, “now you can come!” Randy told Paige the song is too big for her, Ellen thought it was sad and heavy, Kara agreed, adding it was all wrong, and Simon said it was a horrible song choice and a “peanut performance”. While Paige told Ryan how singing that song made her feel, Simon attempted to evoke some feelings in himself by stroking his own chest.

After the break, Ryan was back at the judges’ table and Simon leaned in to tell him, “no you can’t sit on my lap!” That seems to have been wishful thinking on Simon’s part, as Ryan looked perfectly happy sitting in Simon’s chair while Simon leaned over the desk. After introducing Crystal Bowersox singing Tracy Chapman’s Give Me One Reason, Ryan grabbed Simon’s arm playfully while Simon continued to pretend he didn’t want a lapful of Ryan. Simon just needs to cosy up to Randy to make it a full house. The judges loved Crystal. Randy thought it was hot, Ellen needs new adjectives, Kara thought it was a great song choice and Simon thought she was one million, billion percent going to be in the top twelve. Ryan joined Crystal, sitting on the other side of her amp, saying, “just chilling!”

Lilly Scott closed the show with Patsy Cline’s I Fall To Pieces. Randy thought she was in the zone, Ellen loves her, Kara said she’d made the song feel contemporary and Simon thought it was a brave song choice and possibly a risky thing to do. Ryan closed the show with, “we are out, bye bye!” and an adorable wave. Sometimes he’s too cute for his own good.

On performance day two the show opened with Ryan playing a game of memory. Debbie had apparently shown Ryan the 8 guys labelled with their names before the show started, then taken the name cards away and made him walk along the row and recall the names. He did good. Well done, Ryan! Now let’s see Simon try it.

Ryan introduced the judges, stopping to nibble on Ellen’s ear and give Simon a little shoulder massage, then asked Simon and Kara why they’re sitting so closely together this year because they seem inseparable. Kara said Simon is leaning into him because he has separation issues and is missing his fianceé, so Ryan told Simon Kara is his binky. Kara laughed as Simon gave Ryan a confused look and asked what a binky is. Sometimes it’s hard to believe Simon has spent so much time in The States!

Randy thought Owl City’s Fireflies was a strange strong choice for Lee Dewyze, but said it worked. Ellen heard a few pitch problems but knows a lot of people like Lee. Simon’s binky thought Lee had improved the song and Simon took his elbows out of Kara long enough to tell Lee he didn’t think he had a ‘moment’, while Ryan twiddled his fingers as he watched from the side. I sometimes wonder if Ryan knows how to keep still. He usually looks like a bundle of energy waiting to explode.

Alex Lambert sang Trouble by Ray LaMontagne. Randy thought he could have done a little more with it. Ellen told him he’d become a mushy banana and warned him against becoming a cocky banana. Kara said that the only thing standing in the way of him winning is Alex himself and Simon agreed with Kara, advising Alex to imagine Randy in a bikini, promising he’d get Randy in a bikini next week if Alex is still there. Ryan wasn’t sure if the thought of Randy in a bikini would take Alex to the same place it takes Simon and got the giggles after reading out Alex’s numbers, telling Simon he was blushing and saying he didn’t think Simon really meant it the way it came out.

Tim Urban took on Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah. Randy thought he did a pretty good job. Ellen ran up onto the stage to give Tim a hug and tell him it was fantastic. As she ran back to her seat Ryan asked, “do you want to give out the numbers?” Kara thought he’d showed the emotion and Simon felt responsible for Tim doing well, adding it was his strongest performance in the competition so far. Ryan said it was the first time a judge has gone up on stage for a hug, so Ellen decided she would take responsibility for Tim’s performance. Then Randy said it was actually him and Kara who were responsible. Amidst the laughter, Tim said it was the judging panel as a whole, so Simon teased him, “but if you had to say ONE more than the others …” Ryan helped him out, giving Simon the answer he needed, “what Simon’s trying to say is we would not exist without Simon Cowell, we shall bow to him. That’s what he’s trying to get us to do!” Simon wouldn’t let it go even when Ryan starting giving out the voting numbers so Ryan told him, “Simon, just button your shirt and be quiet for a second!”

Next up was Andrew Garcia. Ryan asked him about the judges’ obsession with Straight Up and what he’d do to get into the top twelve. Andrew had decided to go back to the roots and sing Genie In A Bottle from Christina Aguilera with no over thinking it. Randy liked his cardigan but didn’t think the song worked. Ellen thought it was a good song choice but thought the genie didn’t come out of the bottle until the end. Kara said he peaked early and Simon thought it was a little bit desperate. Ryan wanted to go back to the Paula Abdul song again and asked Andrew, “do you think that if you could have done it differently, you would have done the same thing?”

Casey James sang You’ll Think Of Me by Keith Urban. Randy thought it was a safe choice. Ellen thought it was great. Kara was back on the Casey train but wanted to see a little bit more of from him. Simon thought it was better than last week but not one he’d remember after 24 hours.

Randy liked Aaron Kelly’s version of Lonestar’s I’m Already There but thought he still had some work to do. Ellen thought the song was too tough for him. Kara didn’t think the song was relevant to Aaron’s life but Simon thought that was complete and utter rubbish but the vocal wasn’t great.

Todrick Hall performed Somebody To Love from Queen. Randy said, “Todrick is back!” calling it one of the best vocals from a man over the past couple of weeks. Ellen couldn’t believe he was singing that song but thought he did a good job. Kara thought it was good singing but dramatic, comparing it to Glee. Simon thought it was good in parts, but said Todrick’s made it clear now that he’s a Broadway singer.

Ryan said his twin, Big Mike, would be up next but seemed more interested in a couple of girls in the audience when they came back from commercial. Ryan introduced Michael Lynch to sing Maxwell’s This Woman’s Work with the words, “this guy recently turned from a pussycat into a lion … Simon’s words, not mine!” The judges loved it. Randy called it crazy. Ellen thought it was beautiful and he’s the one to beat. Kara was moved to tears and crying on Simon’s shoulder. Simon thought it was the best performance of the live shows so far. Ryan bounced all over the stage, imitating Michael working the stage before reading out his numbers. Maybe he should lay off the caffeine a little! On the plus side, I suppose Big Mike can’t pick up a moving target.

Ryan signed off with a wave and “good bye!”

The results show started with Ryan telling us we could be in for a surprise or two. He then introduced the judges, taking time out for a chat about last night.

Ryan: You were really great last night, Simon.

Simon: Do you know, I thought the same thing.

Ryan: Yeah I know you do. You were on your game.

Boys, please. Get a room!

Things then took a turn for the worse as Ryan reminded us of the mental image we’d spent the past 24 hours scrubbing from our minds: Randy in a bikini. A photoshop of Randy’s face on bikini boy Ty Hemmerling’s body appeared on the screen behind Ryan as Simon quipped, “is that from your home collection, Ryan?”

Ryan announced the top 12:

• Crystal Bowersox
• Siobhan Magnus
• Didi Benami
• Michael Lynche
• Lee Dewyze
• Casey James
• Tim Urban
• Andrew Garcia
• Aaron Kelly
• Katie Stevens
• Lacey Brown
• Paige Miles

which means that Lilly Scott, Katelyn Epperly, Alex Lambert and Todrick Hall are out. A couple of unexpected eliminations, but I’m happy my favourite made it through.

Ryan announced that next week’s theme for the top twelve will be the music of the Rolling Stones.